Introduction for term paper... Does it work? Any errors? General Opinions? Thanks!?

Overall, i started to edit this but i couldn't get very far because you are not uming your reader does not know what your talking about. Also, you are trying to put way to much information into one sentence, which is causing it to sound like you copied and pasted certain parts of sentences into the paper. If you cannot word the term paper without a source then add one, it will make it a stronger and easier to read term paper if you take my suggestions into consideration.